I would like them to voluntarily open up and talk to me so they won't try to carry it all on their shoulders...but they are withdrawn. The boy comes to our house every day after school and stays through dinner (because of the school bus route). The girl, we see occasionally, but not as much as we would like . Once in a while, when things are really bad she calls us. My husband and I are retired. We love them dearly. Both of us have been professionals.
I appreciate your listening.
If you are on good terms with your daughter and you can discuss your concerns for the kids without making her feel the cause of them, perhaps all of you could come up with some ways you could nurture them through these difficult times. The two of you could also see a family therapist a couple of times so she could help you formulate the best way for you to help these kids on an ongoing basis. You could also investigate whether there are any groups in your area for kids going through a divorce; these groups can be very helpful as kids share the similar things they are feeling and take strength from each other.
When you next see them and/or talk with them you might say something like, "We know this is a sad, painful time for you and that it's probably hard for you to talk about how all this makes you feel. But you can always come to us and talk about anything you want;we don't have all the answers but sometimes it helps to just talk and be with people who love you, and we sure do have lots of love for you." Good luck and thanks for being there for your grandkids.