How you build your child's self-esteem on a regular basis gives you the foundation and the tools to discipline your child while still encouraging his self-worth. Let me offer some general self-esteem builders and some specific "disciplining with self-esteem in mind" pointers:

GENERAL SELF-ESTEEM BUILDING

* Always focus on and encourage your child's assets and strengths
*Accept and make your child feel that she is appreciated and loved "just as she is"
*Show your children the same respect you wish to be accorded
*Praise effort and improvement not just perfect accomplishment
*Communicate your faith and trust in your child and her goodness
* Make sure your standards and expectations are not so high that they discourage and promote failure

SPECIFIC TIPS FOR DISCIPLINING WITH SELF-ESTEEM IN MIND

* Tell and show your child you trust her to act responsibly as you discipline
* Tell her you expect she will learn from this experience
* Separate the deed from the doer; she is acceptable, lovable, despite her behavior
* Through your disciplining voice and actions, reassure her that she has your continuing love and support even though you do not accept what she did
* Always give her your belief that she will choose differently the next time a similar situation arises

Discipline is teaching combined with respect and support; it is not to be confused with punishment that shames and alienates children.