ADD or Selective Attention?

My son seems to fade away, not pay attention, or lose focus when asked to do something. He puts on a blank stare and is slow to respond or react. I feel that he picks and chooses what he wants to pay attention to. He's somewhat active but lacking a bit in social skills. He'll be starting kindergarten on his fifth birthday and he'll be the youngest in his class. He was tested and the teachers feel that he can to do the work, but they complained a bit about his level of maturity. Do you think it's ADD?

It's really important to know if this is, in fact, selective attention, or if there's some kind of underlying attention or processing problem. I would like to know if your son acts this way in all situations, or just with you. For example, if he's playing with other kids, and they ask him to do something fun, does he lose focus or seem slow to respond? If so, he may have an auditory processing problem. It may take a bit longer than other kids for him to process language and the meaning behind it. His delays may be an indication of his need to "buy time" to get meaning from language.

I suggest you play some games with him. Try "Simon Says" using words and then do it with gestures. Use a symbol for Simon Says (e.g., pointing to your mouth), then point to him (or another child) and demonstrate the behavior. This is fun and will also allow you to find out if your son can respond more quickly to visual cues (like hand signals and pantomime) than he reacts to language. If you aren't sure, then have a speech and language pathologist/therapist take a look at him. Ask the school if one of their staff members can observe/evaluate him.

You say he might be lacking in social skills and the teachers are concerned about his maturity level. I'd ask, compared to whom? If he's being compared to the other kids who are going into kindergarten, some of whom may be almost a year older than he, then this is an inappropriate comparison. Ask the kindergarten teacher to observe him, or pay a visit to a developmental psychologist who has a lot of experience with little kids.

Finally, do I think it's ADHD? There's no way to know without more information and further observation, but wouldn't it be a shame if this were the conclusion, when the only thing that's "wrong" is that he's just a little kid? Take your time, ask a local expert, and don't jump (or let them jump) to conclusions.

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