Your son's "self-focus" does not mean that he lacks empathy or that you have not been good role models. Try engaging him in conversation about social problems. When you hear of people who are suffering hard times, ask him his opinion about their plight, and what he thinks could be done to help them. Involving him in discussions like this shows him you believe he possesses empathy and compassion for others and that you value his thoughts on these matters. Take on a charitable activity as a family -- volunteering at a local food cupboard, shelter, etc. This will give your kids the opportunity to open up their hearts and minds and consider those less fortunate. Making these volunteer commitments a regular part of your family's life will afford both your sons the chance to feel the joy and sense of self-worth that comes from helping others. I am sure that your older boy will become more outwardly empathetic as you make this family value more of an action-oriented priority.