by: Erin Dower
Should I Worry About My Child's Shyness
"Shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, worried, or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people," according to the American Psychological Association. Most children feel shy fairly often, and shyness is a personality trait to be nurtured and embraced — not a flaw to be "fixed." Many shy children are simply happy, quiet kids who are initially cautious around strangers and who have "an inner peace that shines," according to AskDrSears.com. As the hugely popular TED Talk called "The power of introverts" points out, not everyone has a boisterous personality, and quiet people have important gifts to share with the world.
But shyness can become more of an issue when it is "the manifestation of inner problems, not inner peace." Your child may be severely shy or "painfully shy" if he feels constantly worried about social interaction; has few or no friends (when he reaches school-age); and experiences physical symptoms like blushing, sweating, a pounding heart, or upset stomach. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, shyness that becomes debilitating may be a sign of an anxiety disorder, which may require help from a mental health professional. In any case, avoid labeling your child as shy, because he may feel trapped by the label or may hide behind it to avoid developing socially. Talk with your child's teacher/childcare provider and pediatrician about your child's personality and level of shyness, and how you can work together to support him in feeling more comfortable, depending on his age.
Timid Toddlers and Preschoolers
It may seem obvious, but one of the best things you can do to support your shy child is to give her a secure attachment — a loving, affectionate, and supportive home environment throughout her childhood. You can also help your child by socializing her during her toddler and preschool years. If your toddler doesn't spend much time with other children, find play groups and music classes in your area. When your child reaches age 3, consider enrolling her in preschool, even if it's only for a few hours a week. Keep in mind that separation anxiety is common among babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, and doesn't mean your child will be shy or have low self-esteem down the road. According to the AAP , separation anxiety is "entirely normal behavior" and a sign of a meaningful attachment between parent and child. Follow these tips for surviving separation anxiety. If possible, start with shorter "practice" separation periods from your child, and gradually spend more time apart after she acclimates to new people and situations. Also, help boost your preschooler's confidence and social skills by arranging one-on-one play dates with peers, limiting her time doing solo activities (such as watching TV), giving her some undivided attention every day, and teaching her age-appropriate life skills and manners. Don't force things like handshakes and hugs when your shy child is little. Instead, model good social graces for your child to see.
Quiet Kindergarteners
Shy Elementary School–Age Children
