Ask Dr. Ana: How Do I Motivate My Daughter With Mental Disorders to Stay in School and Plan for Her Future?
Question:
My daughter with mental disorders has no interest in passing junior year, keeping grades up and isn't concerned about her future. How do I help and avoid truancy?
Dr. Ana’s Answer:
I am sorry that you are going through this. If I am not mistaken, junior year means that your daughter is 16 or 17, right?
In my experience, very few teenagers don’t really care about their grades. You mention that your daughter has mental disorders, so this could be playing a part. Have issues such as ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia…been ruled out? In addition, perhaps she has lost her self-confidence or she feels overwhelmed because she has fallen really far behind and doesn’t know how to get back on track.
The most important question is: Why is she getting bad grades? Students typically have poor grades because:
- They don’t understand the content.
- They lack the executive function skills needed to succeed at school (e.g., planning, organization…).
- There is something going on in his life impeding him to focus on schoolwork.
- They have mental health issues.
Have a chat with her and try to understand what is going on: Is she unhappy at school or at home?; Is she OK with his friends?; Does she feel supported? Did her bad grades started suddenly or did they develop over time? For this conversation to work you really need to make her feel that whatever she says you won’t get angry, that you are on her side, and that you want to help her.
You also need to talk with her teachers and include her in the conversations. It is important to include her because she needs to take an active role in her learning.
Also, with her teachers and with her, discuss her behaviour at school. Does she pay attention in class?; Does he do his homework?; Is she accepted in the peer group?; Are there any patterns on the feedback he gets from his teachers? (e.g., perhaps they all comment on their lack of understanding of concepts, or his poor writing skills….). It is also very important that with her and her teachers, you discuss the executive skills needed to do well in school. These skills involve planning, organization, being able to pay attention, or short-term memory. As you can tell, these skills are fundamental to succeed at school but very often teenagers don’t have them well established and may need support. You may find useful this article on executive function skills. With her teachers and her also discuss the truancy. Why is she missing school and what consequences can be established whenever this happens.
Also, you mention the mental health issues, so possibly she is seeing a mental health professional regularly? If this is the case, do have a chat with them and ideally set up a meeting between you, the teachers, and the mental health professional to devise a plan to best support your daughter. This plan should have very specific goals, be measurable, and be revised periodically.
I wish there was a recipe I could give that would sort it all out but sadly, things are never that simple. One important thing I want you to know is that your daughter’s poor grades are not a reflection of you as a mother. Do not measure your success based on your child’s achievements. It is also important that you take care of your own mental health. If you want further support, please do not hesitate to get in touch with me.
Love,
Ana
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