Ask Dr. Ana: Can Running Away Harm My Niece's Well-Being and Family Dynamics?
Question:
My 14-year-old niece is being very disruptive, and my sister is at her wits end. She has run away a couple times and the last time the police were involved. She was disrespectful to the police. She was eventually taken to short-term care. How can I help?
Dr. Ana’s Answer:
Running away from home is a behavioural problem and it indicates that there is something going on with your niece. There is a stereotype in the media and our society that teens who run away are troublemakers who don’t want to follow the rules at home. But that is usually not the case. Teens usually run away because of family dynamics (e.g., problems with a sibling, with a stepparent, custody issues…), abuse, mental health problems, problems with friends or at school, neglect, or problems with alcohol or drugs. The fact that your niece has run away does not make her a ‘bad kid’.
Digging Deeper
It is important to understand what is going on with your niece. I would very much encourage your sister to seek professional help. A mental health professional who specializes in family dynamics or adolescent issues will be able to help. They will first work with your niece to understand what is going on with her. Once this is established, the therapist will work with her so she can deal with whatever is happening so that she doesn’t feel the need to run away again. The therapist will also work with the whole family to help them develop healthier relationships and establish boundaries. Running away is a traumatic experience for everyone in the family, and they all need extra support.
Support Definitely Matters
It is also important that you support your sister. Be there for her. Listen to her. And keep reminding her that the fact that her daughter is having a hard time does not make her a bad mother. Your sister needs to take care of herself, so she is strong enough to support her daughter.
I do hope that they find a way to sort things out. One thing I would say is that your sister is lucky to have you supporting her! I wish you all the best of luck.
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