Question:
A parent is seeking advice on how to support their teenage daughter, who is grieving the sudden suicide of a school friend. The family is deeply saddened and in shock, and the parent wants guidance on how to connect with their daughter during this difficult time.
Dr. Ana’s Answer:
I completely understand what you’re saying about how hard it can be to be far away from family, especially when you have kids, right? You can feel very lonely a lot of the time.
I’m so sorry to hear about the death of this boy and the pain your daughter is going through.
The most important thing you can do for your daughter right now is to be there. Be present with her, support her, and make sure she knows that you’re there for her and with her. If your daughter is someone who likes to talk, encourage her to open up, vent, express the sadness she is carrying, and ask any questions she might have. If she asks you questions, answer honestly, and if there are questions you don’t have an answer to, tell her and try to discuss the topic with calmness.
If your daughter isn’t the type to talk much, try doing things together with her. Watch a series together, go out for a walk, run some errands, or cook together. Often, with teenagers who find it harder to talk, it can help to have conversations when you’re not looking directly into each other's eyes, as it can help them feel more at ease. For this reason, talking while you’re driving, walking, or cooking together can often work well.
Ask Dr. Ana: How Can I Support My Daughter Through Challenging Teen Years?
Question: A parent is struggling with their 15-year-old daughter's unkind behavior, lack of apology, and issues like vaping and self-harm. They've tried counseling and are seeking practical advice but feel overwhelmed and fearful. Read the Full Question Below Read More
Sometimes teenagers prefer to talk to someone who isn’t their parents. Now that you’re going to Spain, if your daughter has a good relationship with a family member or one of your friends, it might be a good idea to encourage her to talk to that person.
On another note, try to maintain a calm environment at home so that she feels safe and supported.
I’m not sure how close your daughter was to the boy, but she may feel guilty for not noticing that he was struggling. She might also feel angry. Or perhaps she doesn’t even know how she feels. What’s important is for her to know that whatever she’s feeling is okay. The key is for her to process these emotions.
It’s great that the school has had a psychologist available until today (I believe). Over the coming weeks, if you notice behaviors in your daughter that worry you or make you uneasy, don’t hesitate to consult with a psychologist. Also, keep in touch with her teachers to ensure she’s doing okay at school.
I hope this helps. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas, and I hope your daughter is able to cope with this loss as best as possible.
Warm hugs,
Ana
Do you have questions for Dr. Ana? Ask for free today!
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Reader's Full Question (Translated from Spanish):
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Hello Ana, I am also Spanish and have been living in Cambridge with my family (3 children aged 16, 14, and 11, plus my husband) for the past 5 years. We moved here when we were 40 years old. My husband is an engineer, and I work at the hospital. We haven’t had issues in that regard, but it’s been tough at times not having family nearby. Now, my eldest daughter has experienced a terrible tragedy. Yesterday, a classmate and friend from her school committed suicide without any prior warning. His mother found him hanged in his room. That morning he had attended school as usual, and no one noticed anything strange.
Today, my daughter went to school, and they provided psychologists until Monday. She has been crying a lot, both yesterday and today (understandably). We’re all very sad and in shock at home, trying to go out and encourage her to clear her mind. Fortunately, this coming Thursday, we’ll be going to Spain to spend Christmas with family there, and I think it will be very good for her. If you could give me any advice on how to connect with her more easily, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
Reader's Full Question (in Original Spanish):
“Hola Ana, yo también soy española y vivo en Cambridge con mi familia (3 hijos de 16, 14 y 11 años además de mi marido) desde hace 5 años. Nos vinimos aquí con 40 años, mi marido es ingeniero y yo trabajo en el hospital, no tenemos problemas en ese sentido pero ha sido duro algunas veces no tener a la familia cerca y ahora a mi hija mayor la ha ocurrido una gran desgracia. Ayer un compañero y amigo del instituto se ha suicidado, sin previo aviso. Le encontró su madre ahorcado en su cuarto, por la mañana en chico acudió al instituto con normalidad y nadie notó nada extraño.
Hoy mi hija ha ido al instituto y les han puesto psicólogos hasta el lunes. Ella ha estado llorando bastante ayer y hoy (lógicamente). Estamos en casa todos muy tristes y en shock, intentado salir para que pueda despejarse y por suerte el jueves que viene vamos a España a pasar las Navidades con la familia allí, creo que va a ser muy bueno para ella. Si me puedes dar algún consejo de como llegar a ella más fácil. Gracias.”
