For parents

You may have heard about magpie parenting. In this article we tell you what it is and we give you the latest research and advice in case you are thinking of adopting this living arrangement.

What Is Magpie Parenting?

Magpie parenting (also known as bird nest parenting or bird-nesting) is a living arrangement where after a divorce or separation, the kids stay in the family home, while the parents rotate in and out of the property, taking it in turns to take care of the children. 

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[1] Meyer, D. R., Carlson, M. J., & Ul Alam, M. M. (2022). Increases in shared custody after divorce in the United States. Demographic Research, 46, 1137-1162.

[2] https://www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/news-jan-apr-2016/birds-nest-custody-takes-off-in-the-uk/

[3] Augustijn, L. (2021). The relation between joint physical custody, interparental conflict, and children’s mental health. Journal of Family Research, 33(3), 613-636.

[4] Bergström, M., Salari, R., Hjern, A., Hognäs, R., Bergqvist, K., & Fransson, E. (2021). Importance of living arrangements and coparenting quality for young children’s mental health after parental divorce: A cross-sectional parental survey. BMJ Paediatrics Open, 5(1).

[5] Eira Nunes, C., De Roten, Y., El Ghaziri, N., Favez, N., & Darwiche, J. (2021). Co‐parenting programs: A systematic review and meta‐analysis. Family Relations, 70(3), 759-776.

Traditionally, the field of psychology talks about four parenting styles: Authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and neglectful.

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[1] LeMoyne, T., & Buchanan, T. (2011). Does ‘hovering’ matter? Helicopter parenting and its effect on well-being. Sociological Spectrum, 31(4), 399–418. https://doi.org/10.1080/02732173.2011.574038.

[2] Srivastav, D., & Mathur, M. L. (2020). Helicopter parenting and adolescent development: from the perspective of mental health. Parenting-studies by an ecocultural and transactional perspective. 

[3] Kuppens, S., Ceulemans, E. Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept. J Child Fam Stud 28, 168–181 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1242-x.

[4] Nelson, L. J., Padilla-Walker, L. M., & McLean, R. D. (2021). Longitudinal predictors of helicopter parenting in emerging adulthood. Emerging Adulthood, 9(3), 240-251. 

[5] Vigdal JS, Brønnick KK. A Systematic Review of "Helicopter Parenting" and Its Relationship With Anxiety and Depression. Front Psychol. 2022 May 25;13:872981. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.872981. PMID: 35693486; PMCID: PMC9176408. 

[6] Aznar, A., & Battams, F. (2023). Emotion regulation in emerging adults: Do parenting and parents’ own emotion regulation matter?. Journal of Adult Development, 30(2), 193-204. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-022-09427-2.

Announce that you are expecting a baby and get prepared to receive advice. A lot of it. A lot of it will be unsolicited advice. Everyone has an opinion on parenting. Get ready! 

You must decide which advice to listen to and which to ditch. You must decide who to listen to and who to ignore. As a child psychologist and as a mum of four, here are the 12 parenting advice tips that I strongly believe that every parent should be aware of.  

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[1] Ramaekers, S., Suissa, J. (2012). Good Enough Parenting?. In: The Claims of Parenting. Contemporary Philosophies and Theories in Education, vol 4. Springer, Dordrecht. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-007-2251-4_4.

[2] Orchard, E. R., Rutherford, H. J., Holmes, A. J., & Jamadar, S. D. (2023). Matrescence: lifetime impact of motherhood on cognition and the brain. Trends in cognitive sciences, 27(3), 302-316.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2022.12.002.

[3] Suls, J., Martin, R., & Wheeler, L. (2002). Social comparison: Why, with whom, and with what effect?. Current directions in psychological science, 11(5), 159-163.https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8721.00191.

[4] Featherstone, B., & Hollway, W. (Eds.). (2002). Mothering and ambivalence. Routledge. 

[5] Cichy, K. E., Lefkowitz, E. S., Davis, E. M., & Fingerman, K. L. (2013). “You are such a disappointment!”: Negative emotions and parents’ perceptions of adult children’s lack of success. Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 68(6), 893-901. 

[6] Nowland, R., Thomson, G., McNally, L., Smith, T., & Whittaker, K. (2021). Experiencing loneliness in parenthood: a scoping review. Perspectives in public health, 141(4), 214-225. https://doi.org/10.1177/17579139211018243.

[7] Glatz, T., & Lippold, M. A. (2023). Is more information always better? Associations among parents’ online information searching, information overload, and self-efficacy. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 47(5), 444-453. https://doi.org/10.1177/01650254231190883.

Navigating the complexities of adulthood often comes with the weight of childhood experiences, especially when those experiences are shaped by emotionally immature parents. For many, growing up in an environment where emotional growth stagnated can lead to intricate patterns of behavior and relationship struggles that linger long into adulthood. Understanding the dynamics at play in these familial relationships is crucial, as it allows adult children to break free from cycles of emotional unavailability and embrace healthier connections.

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  1. American Paediatrics Association 
  2. Aznar, A., & Tenenbaum, H.R. (2013). Spanish parents’ emotion talk and their children’s understanding of emotion. Frontiers in Developmental Psychology, 4. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00670 
  3. Miller, J. D., Lynam, D. R., Hyatt, C. S., & Campbell, W. K. (2017). Controversies in narcissism. Annual review of clinical psychology, 13(1), 291-315. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-032816-045244 
  4. Karl, K., & Peluchette, J. (2016). Breaking boundaries and leaving bad impressions: Toward understanding workplace encounters with helicopter parents. Journal of Organizational Psychology, 16(1). 

A lullaby is a quiet, repetitive, gentle song sung to put a baby to sleep.[1] Parents have sung to babies in every known historical period and culture. Evidently lullabies work, otherwise parents would have stopped singing centuries ago. Only parenting behaviors that are useful stand the test of time. Otherwise, they simply disappear.  

Scientific research confirms what parents already knew: Lullabies work. Let me tell you why.  

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[1] Oxford Dictionary.

[2] Eduardo Sá and Ana Torres. The Effect of Lullabies on the Mother and on Copyright © 2019 Eduardo Sá and Ana Torres. Her Relationship with the Baby: an Exploratory Study. OA J Behavioural Sci Psych 2019, 2(1): 180010. 

[3] Yue W, Han X, Luo J, Zeng Z, Yang M. Effect of music therapy on preterm infants in neonatal intensive care unit: Systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. J Adv Nurs. 2021 Feb;77(2):635-652. doi: 10.1111/jan.14630. Epub 2020 Nov 17. PMID: 33200833. 

[4] Hilton CB, Crowley-de Thierry L, Yan R, Martin A, Mehr SA. Children infer the behavioral contexts of unfamiliar foreign songs. J Exp Psychol Gen. 2023 Mar;152(3):839-850. doi: 10.1037/xge0001289. Epub 2022 Oct 10. PMID: 36222671; PMCID: PMC10083193. 

[5] Trainor, L. J. (1996). Infant preferences for infant-directed versus noninfant-directed playsongs and lullabies. Infant Behavior & Development, 19(1), 83–92. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0163-6383(96)90046-6.

[6] Mehr SA & Krasnow MM Parent-o spring conflict and the evolution of infant-directed song. Evol. Hum. Behav. 38, 674–684 (2017). 

[7] Baker F, Mackinlay E. Sing, soothe and sleep: A lullaby education programme for first-time mothers. Br J Music Educ. 2006 Jul;23(2):147–160. 

[8] Fancourt D, Perkins R. Associations between singing to babies and symptoms of postnatal depression, wellbeing, self-esteem and mother-infant bond. Public Health. 2017 Apr;145:149-152. doi: 10.1016/j.puhe.2017.01.016. Epub 2017 Feb 27. PMID: 28359384. 

Sleep regressions are periods when sleep gets more chaotic. Babies may resist their naps, wake more during the night, or struggle with sleep in general.  

But you know what? According to sleep researchers, these regressions do not exist. At least not how they are typically described. Many babies have periods when they sleep worse but there is not one single month when there is a peak in these problems. Not even at 4 months. Sleep regressions can happen to babies at different times. Or not at all.  

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[1] Joseph, D., Chong, N. W., Shanks, M. E., Rosato, E., Taub, N. A., Petersen, S. A., ... & Wailoo, M. (2015). Getting rhythm: how do babies do it?. Archives of Disease in Childhood-Fetal and Neonatal Edition, 100(1), F50-F54. https://doi.org/10.1136/archdischild-2014-306104 

[2] Reuter, A., Silfverdal, S. A., Lindblom, K., & Hjern, A. (2020). A systematic review of prevention and treatment of infant behavioural sleep problems. Acta Paediatrica, 109(9), 1717-1732. https://doi.org/10.1111/apa.15182 

[3] Schreck, K. A., & Richdale, A. L. (2011). Knowledge of childhood sleep: a possible variable in under or misdiagnosis of childhood sleep problems. Journal of sleep research, 20(4), 589-597.https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2869.2011.00922.x 

[4] Mindell, J. A., Sadeh, A., Kohyama, J., & How, T. H. (2010). Parental behaviors and sleep outcomes in infants and toddlers: a cross-cultural comparison. Sleep medicine, 11(4), 393-399.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2009.11.011 

 

As parents we come with expectations about what ‘normal’ newborn sleep look likes. Having unrealistic expectations or incorrect assumptions, may lead us to feel inadequate as parents and to feel as if we are failing.[1] 

That is why in this article, we are going to give you the latest advice and research about newborn sleep. With this information, you will be better able to support your baby and better equipped to go through this stage of your parenting journey.  

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[1] Douglas, P. S., & Hill, P. S. (2013). Behavioral sleep interventions in the first six months of life do not improve outcomes for mothers or infants: a systematic review. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 34(7), 497-507. DOI: 10.1097/DBP.0b013e31829cafa6 

[2] Paavonen, E. J., Saarenpää-Heikkilä, O., Morales-Munoz, I., Virta, M., Häkälä, N., Pölkki, P., ... & Karlsson, L. (2020). Normal sleep development in infants: findings from two large birth cohorts. Sleep Medicine, 69, 145-154.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2020.01.009 

[3] Kaur, S., Teoh, A. N., Shukri, N. H. M., Shafie, S. R., Bustami, N. A., Takahashi, M., ... & Shibata, S. (2020). Circadian rhythm and its association with birth and infant outcomes: research protocol of a prospective cohort study. BMC pregnancy and childbirth, 20, 1-11. 

[4] Vincent, A., Chu, N. T., Shah, A., Avanthika, C., Jhaveri, S., Singh, K., ... & Boddu, H. (2023). Sudden infant death syndrome: risk factors and newer risk reduction strategies. Cureus, 15(6). 

[5] Faruqui F, Khubchandani J, Price JH et al.: Sleep disorders in children: a national assessment of primary care pediatrician practices and perceptions. Pediatrics 2011; 128: 539–546. 

[6] Barry, E. S. (2021). What is “normal” infant sleep? Why we still do not know. Psychological reports, 124(2), 651-692. 

 

Family relations are not always easy. And with the in-laws they can be even more difficult. After all, when you get married, you get ‘thrown into’ a family that you do not know. You do not know their history or dynamics. You may not even share the same values and beliefs. And you are expected to fit in seamlessly. 

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  1. [1] Rothbaum, F., Rosen, K., Ujiie, T., & Uchida, N. [2002] Family systems theory, attachment theory, and culture. Family process, 41[3), 328-350. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.41305.x 
  1. [2] Fowler, C., & Rittenour, C. [2017] A life-span approach to children-in-law’s perceptions of parent-in-law communication. Journal of Family Communication, 17[3), 254-272. https://doi.org/10.1080/15267431.2017.1281280 
  1. [3] Rothbaum, F., Rosen, K., Ujiie, T., & Uchida, N. [2002] Family systems theory, attachment theory, and culture. Family process, 41[3), 328-350. 
  1. [4] Jean Turner, M., Young, C. R., & Black, K. I. [2006] Daughters‐in‐law and mothers‐in‐law seeking their place within the family: A qualitative study of differing viewpoints. Family Relations, 55[5), 588-600. 
  1. [5] Ayers, J.D., Krems, J.A., Hess, N. et al. Mother-in-Law Daughter-in-Law Conflict: an Evolutionary Perspective and Report of Empirical Data from the USA. Evolutionary Psychological Science 8, 56–71 [2022] https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-021-00312-x 
  1. [6] Rittenour, C. E., & Kellas, J. K. [2015] Making sense of hurtful mother-in-law messages: Applying attribution theory to the in-law triad. Communication Quarterly, 63[1), 62-80. https://doi.org/10.1080/01463373.2014.965837 
  1. [7] Fingerman, K. L., Gilligan, M., VanderDrift, L., & Pitzer, L. [2012] In-law relationships before and after marriage: Husbands, wives, and their mothers-in-law. Research in Human Development, 9[2), 106-125. https://doi.org/10.1080/15427609.2012.680843 
  1. [8] Fingerman, K. L. [2004] The role of offspring and in-laws in grandparents’ ties to their grandchildren. Journal of Family Issues, 25[8), 1026-1049. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X04265941 
  1. [9] Fingerman, K. L. [2000] " We Had a Nice Little Chat" Age and Generational Differences in Mothers' and Daughters' Descriptions of Enjoyable Visits. The Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 55[2), P95-P106. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/55.2.P95 
  1. [10] Marx, J., Miller, L. Q., & Huffmon, S. [2011] Excluding mothers-in-law: A research note on the preference for matrilineal advice. Journal of Family Issues, 32[9), 1205-1222. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X11402176 
  2. [11] Fischer, L. R. [1988] The influence of kin on the transition to parenthood. Marriage & Family Review, 12[3-4), 201-219. https://doi.org/10.1300/J002v12n03_11 
  1. [12] Fischer, L. R. [1983] Mothers and mothers-in-law. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 187-192. https://doi.org/10.2307/351307 
  1. [13] Lee, E., Spitze, G., & Logan, J. R. [2003] Social support to parents‐in‐law: The interplay of gender and kin hierarchies. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65[2), 396-403. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00396.x 
  1. [14] Marotz-Baden, R., & Cowan, D. [1987] Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law: The effects of proximity on conflict and stress. Family Relations, 385-390. https://doi.org/10.2307/584488 

There is a lot of noise in the parenting space. A lot of experts, a lot of trends, a lot of influencers, a lot of scripts, a lot of tips, and a lot of advice. There are psychologists, coaches, experts, counsellors, and influencers… All these make it very difficult to know who to trust and what advice to follow.

Here are six useful tips you may find useful when deciding who to trust.

Parenting

Leaving babies to cry it out has been a controversial topic amongst researchers, practitioners, and parents for a very long time.

I know that this is a very emotive topic. Before we continue, let me tell you that my goal here is to explain the scientific evidence of the “Cry It Out” method so you can decide what to do. I am not addressing personal experiences or judging anyone.

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[1] Rosier, J. G., & Cassels, T. (2021). From “Crying Expands the Lungs” to “You’re Going to Spoil That Baby”: How the Cry-It-Out Method Became Authoritative Knowledge. Journal of Family Issues, 42(7), 1516-1535. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X20949891.

[2] Etherton, H., Blunden, S., & Hauck, Y. (2016). Discussion of extinction-based behavioral sleep interventions for young children and reasons why parents may find them difficult. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 12(11), 1535-1543. https://doi.org/10.5664/jcsm.6284.

[3] Hall, W.A., Hutton, E., Brant, R.F. et al. (2015). A randomised controlled trial of an intervention for infants’ behavioural sleep problems. BMC Pediatr 15, 181. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12887-015-0492-7.

[4] Michal Kahn, Michal Juda-Hanael, Efrat Livne-Karp, Liat Tikotzky, Thomas F Anders, Avi Sadeh, Behavioral interventions for pediatric insomnia: one treatment may not fit all, Sleep, Volume 43, Issue 4, April 2020, zsz268, https://doi.org/10.1093/sleep/zsz268.

(5) Whittall, H., Kahn, M., Pillion, M., & Gradisar, M. (2021). Parents matter:  barriers and solutions when implementing behavioural sleep interventions for infant sleep problems. Sleep Medicine, 84, 244-252. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sleep.2021.05.042.

[6] Ball, H. L., & Volpe, L. E. (2013). Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) risk reduction and infant sleep location–Moving the discussion forward. Social science & medicine, 79, 84-91. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2012.03.025.

[7] Bilgin, A., & Wolke, D. (2020). Parental use of ‘cry it out’in infants: no adverse effects on attachment and behavioural development at 18 months. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 61(11), 1184-1193. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13223.

[8] Blunden, S. L., Thompson, K. R., & Dawson, D. (2011). Behavioural sleep treatments and nighttime crying in infants: challenging the status quo. Sleep medicine reviews, 15(5), 327-334.https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2010.11.002.

[9] Gradisar, M., Jackson, K., Spurrier, N. J., Gibson, J., Whitham, J., Williams, A. S., … & Kennaway, D. J. (2016). Behavioral interventions for infant sleep problems: a randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 137(6). https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2015-1486.

[10] Price, A. M., Wake, M., Ukoumunne, O. C., & Hiscock, H. (2012). Five-year follow-up of harms and benefits of behavioral infant sleep intervention: randomized trial. Pediatrics, 130(4), 643-651.https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2011-3467.

[11] Akdoğan, G. Y. (2018). To intervene or not to intervene: effects of behavioural sleep interventions on infant attachment quality. 

[12] Jenni, O. G., & Werner, H. (2011). Cultural issues in children’s sleep: a model for clinical practice. Pediatric Clinics, 58(3), 755-763. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pcl.2011.03.008.

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