How to Motivate an Underachiever
In this article, you will find:
Family-based problems
Family-Based ProblemsA lack of motivation and low achievement can also result from negative or stressful family dynamics. Is something going on at home that's stressful or abusive? Has there recently been a traumatic event, like a death, divorce, or move from a school he loved? These can negatively affect even middle schoolers with great fortitude.
With a middle schooler, however, family matters don't have to be drastic to cause a lack of motivation. It could be your attempts to inflate his ego by constantly praising, congratulating, thanking, or rewarding him for something he knows he should be doing anyway. No age group is more sensitive to misplaced flattery than ultrasensitive middle schoolers. Dino's sofa siege could be his reaction to your well-intended action.
Now is the time to swallow the patter. Be tactful, frank, and honest about his habits instead. Kids appreciate that kind of feedback and seek it consistently from loving and resourceful adults. It also eventually restores credibility to your words of praise.
If, however, you can't change your obsequious ways, it is time for a family-dynamic tune-up. Start with someone you trust who will give you an honest answer about whether your habits might be adversely affecting Dino. If he or she says, "Yes, indeed," ask for suggestions about how to improve your interaction, dialogue, and behavior.
Or turn to Dino's pediatrician, your faith counselor, his school counselor, or another parent. Consider family counseling with a licensed clinical social worker or psychologist. Note that if you seek the advice of a mental health professional, make sure he or she has deep experience with academically underachieving adolescents. Be specific about the situation. The more honest you are about Dino and your family dynamic, the more effective a therapist's help can be.