How to Motivate an Underachiever

Tips for rousing underachievers

Don't wait another minute to act. If you let his lack of motivation last one marking period, you can bet his grades won't reflect his potential when his report card arrives. Because you are an important adult in his life, you are also a powerful change bringer. Having the gumption to change what you do and say and how you instruct Dino in your own home is the first, critical step toward helping Dino find and maintain his most productive mode of learning. Be kind, be honest, but be the boss.

Give him some face time. Personal attention is an honestly flattering thing that even the most dubious middle schoolers take as a compliment. Carve time out of your own schedule and give it to him, one to one. Do this every day, especially when he's sofa-suffering. But do not fawn.

Do something different. To shock him out of the doldrums, do something out of character like standing on your head. Or if you've never done it before, sit down next to him on the sofa and play a video game together or watch his favorite blood-and-guts movie. Comment on his video playing technique or his analysis of the villain's cruel intentions. Do not inflate his skills; instead be on the alert for comments that provide a natural transition to a suspected trouble spot in his life, and then jump on it. If you can move your conversation to the kitchen to make dinner or out to the car to pick up the pizza, you've broken the momentum of that day's downward spiral. This is the middle school version of what you did with a cookie when he was two.

Use one success to build on the next. When he's procrastinating about reading his book report book, remind him that the fast reflexes and good eye-hand coordination he displayed while playing video games means he must have excellent predicting skills when he reads. Tell him you have time right now for a little demonstration.

Invite his friend over to study. If Dino does not want you to explain his homework or help him study for a test, he might allow his friend to do it. And if it happens to be your favorite friendly informant, be sure to snatch an update about that teasing situation at school.

Make your house like a classroom. Show Dino that his problem is your problem, too, by doing things that can turn a one-eyed monster into a favorite teacher. Give him a second chance to prove himself when his first attempt is a miss or a dismal failure. Use his mistakes as a window of opportunity to teach him something new. And when you finally get him off the couch and on his homework, be a good homework detective.

Life can be difficult when you're a kid, and most adults would agree that they were fortunate to have survived their tumultuous adolescent years with so few psychological scars. It would be a disservice to you and Dino to oversimplify the causes and the remedies for his lack of motivation. But do something about it and do it on all fronts. Do not let your paralysis in dealing with Dino become an example for dealing with his own issues. Sometimes all it takes is a few well-placed nudges to loosen a kid like Dino from the couch for good.