1. It's 12:45 and you're watching the end of Saturday Night Live. You hear the door open and in strolls your son. He was supposed to be home at midnight. You:
Explain that if he must be late, please call.

2. As you sit by the window reading, you notice a car pull up. Out stumbles your daughter. As she fumbles with the key to get in the door, you prepare your speech on drinking. You:
Yell at her until she passes out.

3. Ah, supper time. You and your family are enjoying a lovely veggie stirfry. You son however, has a milk moustache and chews with his mouth open. You:
Don't think manners mean that much. If he wants to look that way when he eats, that's his problem.

4. When you get home, you see your car is missing. As you are about to call the police, your daughter, who just got her license, pulls up with her friend. You:
Ask her if the tank is full, because you just put gas in it yesterday.

5. Your 16-year-old daughter has a big date tonight. As she descends the stairs, you see she resembles a scantily-clad pop star more than your little girl. You:
Didn't even know she had a date.