ADD: The Challenge for Parents and Siblings

Page 5

One of the most interesting families I worked with through the family dynamics process was the Robinsons. Of course, I cannot share the details of their encounter, but the outcome was impressive. The father was very defensive when he was on the hot seat because he sensed a loss of power, but I will never forget the tears that came when each member expressed how much his love and support had meant to them. Instead of the anger he had expected (due largely to the anger he felt for his own father), he discovered that his family truly loved him.

In fact, the expression of love appeared to be the main focus of the overall experience, which was sorely needed. As with many families, communication of love often becomes a low priority when each person is overwhelmed with confusion and low self-esteem. Family meetings focused on the positive can help families recognize their shared values and their strong connection to these values, which in turn can lead to the resolution of many issues.

Assess Your Family Interactions Every Day
ADD is a challenge to your family as a whole and to each of you individually. Each of you can be more loving and more loved. Attention deficit disorder can be managed. It can also bring your family members closer. The success of any therapy depends on the willingness of people to seek more productive behavior. The definition of neurosis is to keep doing the same things while expecting different results. Your child cannot expect better results if his parents keep doing the same things. All members of the family must be willing to change their behavior patterns so the outcome can be different. Every day you can assess your own actions and attitudes: Are you expressing your love of and confidence in your family members? Are you providing enough structure? Are you accepting when you are setting goals for the future? Are you getting the support you need?

Family patterns are fascinating to me, especially when confronting a crisis like ADD. Some families seem more naturally equipped to deal with the new demands, and others seem to falter. It is important to remember that your family can thrive. Family dynamics are not necessarily dependent on personalities and can be altered with greater support. Family patterns may be habitual (even if they are destructive) because they appear to be the only choice we know. Just as overcoming a medical crisis can make a person stronger, so the diagnosis of ADD can bring new life and better communication for everyone in the family.